About: What is Parent Alienation?

Alienation is when one or both parents are manipulating the children against the other parent, or other family members such as a stepparent, aunt, uncle, grandparents, or extended family members. Usually, but not always, parental alienation occurs when parents are engaged in a contentious divorce. Alienation can be intentional or unintentional and can be mild, moderate, or severe. The mild phase, a child may make inappropriate comments that they have overheard. Also, when alienation is mild, it is usually temporary in which a normal parent child relationship will often continue. In mild cases of parental alienation, parents often benefit from parenting education classes and subsequently favored parents will stop engaging in alienating behaviors once they realize that negative comments about the other parent are harmful. In moderate cases, parents may be stuck in their anger and the child may feel forced to "choose" a parent.

Although moderate cases are akin to a tug-of-war, parents can still benefit from training and may cease alienating behaviors once pointed out. Severe cases are more resistant to change due to the child’s visitation refusal or extreme defiance towards a parent. Some favored parents suffer from personality disorders and some fail to comply with court orders. They may spend their waking hours finding ways to exhaust the other parent emotionally and financially. They are determined to damage the relationship with the other parent and want to "win" at all costs. Unfortunately, the children are deprived of the loving relationship with the other parent.

A more formal definition of Parent Alienation is when a child "sides" himself or herself strongly with one parent (the preferred or favored parent) and rejects a relationship with the other parent (the alienated or rejected parent). As a caveat, it is vital that parents recognize their child’s unique needs and stage of development. For example, a teenager who desires to spend more time with his/her friends, and does want to spend parenting time with one of their parents, does not mean that the other parent is engaging in alienating behaviors.

It is essential that parents do not make negative comments to their children about their co-parent. Children should not be privy or burdened with adult matters, such as mortgage, child support, nor should they hear negative sentiments about the other parent, such as he/she cant hold a job, are lazy, or that they "cant stand" their new relationship. A parent should not tell a child that they cannot afford something because the other parent does not provide enough money.

Red Flags: Alienating Behaviors & Attitudes

Below is a list of key alienating behaviors and attributes that serve as red flags when identifying Parent Alienation. There are however other alienating behaviors and attitudes and this list is not intended to be exhaustive, but rather informative.

• When one or both parents magnifies flaws.
  
  
• When one or both parents refuses to have pictures of their co-parent, or extended family in the child's bedroom.
  
  
• When one or both parents changes their language, referring to their co-parent by his/her first name.
  
  
• When one or both parents utilizes guilt and manipulation, such as, "I feel so sad and lonely when you are with your mom/dad."
  
  
• When one or both parents interferes during parenting time by making excessive phone calls to "check" on the child.
  
  
• When one or both parents tell the child that the other parent is an alcoholic (due to the parent having one drink during the Holidays).
  
  
• When one or both parents allows the child to speak negatively about the their co-parent.

Alienated Children: Behavior, Emotions, & Impairments

Alienated children are impacted in three domains: 

• Behaviorally
• Emotionally
• Cognitively

Reconciliation: CARE Program

Ms. Logan developed the CARE Program to repair strained/damaged parent-child contact problems. The CARE Program is a specially designed program to work with the entire family in order to help repair broken and/or damaged relationship(s).

Who Can Benefiti from the CARE Program

The CARE Program is considered Forensic in nature, as it is usually court-ordered.  The CARE Program was designed by Ms. Logan, and is based off of years of evidenced-based principles, components of psychoeducation, and almost a decade Ms. Logan’s experience in working with resist-refuse cases.  The CARE Program may assist parents and children in restoring a relationship, when/if a parent has engaged in poor past behavior.  In addition, the CARE Program, may also be appropriate for cases of parental alienation (irrational rejection & unwarranted rejection).  The CARE Program is best suited for mild or moderate cases of parental alienation; however, it is not suited for families where a parent relentlessly creates obstruction by refusing to enforce that the child attend therapy and/or empowers the child to continue to reject a once loved parent. The CARE Program is best suited for families with the following characteristics: 

• The preferred parent will modify alienating behaviors.
  
  
• The parents agree to adhere to the Court Order and guidelines of the CARE Program.
  
  
• The preferred parent promotes that the other parent is safe, rather than presents that parent as dangerous and/or ill-willed.
  
  
• The rejected parent is willing to modify behavioral responses, and is open to learning.
  
  
• Both parents are willing to place a moratorium regarding past misgivings.
  
  
• The child does not require (or has successfully completed) intensive inpatient treatment for a mental illness.

Purpose of the CARE Program

The purpose of the CARE Program is to help parents and children in key areas, such as to: 

• Process Fractured Relationships.
• Establish a Better Vision for the Future.
• Improve Communications.
• Identify and Address Potential Triggers.
• Re-establish and Build Trust.
• Share and Process Memories/Events.