Repairing a strained parent-child relationship is often emotionally challenging for parents, and requires an extensive skill set for professionals who work to repair fractured families. In many instances, one and/or both parents may become frustrated with the helping professional and wish that the appointed professional end services. However, one key way for parents to avoid prematurely terminating a therapist is by understanding and managing strong and/or unpleasant emotions that may manifest. Emotional reasoning often occurs when feelings, rather than cognition and wisdom serve as the primary gauge and/or guide to evaluate the therapeutic situation. It is common for parents to engage in emotional reasoning when it comes to wanting to repair and/or improve a damaged parent-child relationship. Therefore, it is recommended that any mental health professional involved work with the parents on establishing an expansive tool-box of coping skills.
As such, the mental health professional can aid parents by taking several crucial steps. First, most helping professionals who work to repair damaged parent-child relationship will only do so under a well-written Court Order that specifically names the therapist. Without the execution of a well-written Order, the favored parent can potentially cease treatment whenever they wish, and without repercussions. In addition, the parent may fail to attend sessions consistently and/or fail to take the child(ren) to designated appointments.
Secondly, the therapist should have established policies and procedures in place that communicate clear language regarding expectations. For example, prior to the start of sessions, the therapist can mitigate potential concerns by informing parents that it is not uncommon for a parent to feel excluded, should initially more time be required in working with one parent over the other.
Third, and one of the most important ways to alleviate a parent’s concern that the professional is aligned is for the therapist to make it their policy to have open communication with both parents and/or both parents’ legal representation. Conference calls and substantive email communications should always include both attorneys, rather than only one. One-sided conversations about substantive matters are certain to upset one of the parents, leading to potentially unwanted complaints (informal and formal) and/or grievances.
A parent who believes that the therapist is aligning with the other parent should first determine if the therapist actually has excluded that parent, as feelings are not facts, and it is vital to work on determining if emotional reasoning may be the culprit. Parents should consider if the therapist is providing equal updates to both parents.
The most important thing a parent can do is preventative in nature. Prior to the final selection of any helping professional, parents should review the helping professionals experience, education, and training. Generally, a parent’s attorney should be able to provide input into who is skilled in such cases. The proper selection of a good-fit mental health professional can often help prevent the unfortunate need to remove one.
Lastly, it is vital that the helping professionals be willing to review supportive information when legally permitted to do so. Although the mental helping professional is not in the role of an investigator or an evaluator, the helping professional should be willing and able to consider documentation that helps elucidate alienating behaviors and/or a child’s irrational rejection. A well-written Court Order should detail the review of documentation and specify what types of documentation are legally permitted.
Monika Logan is an owner and the Director of Texas Premier Counseling Services, PLLC (Texas PCS) located in Frisco, Texas. She specializes in Parental Alienation as well as troubled, damaged, and/or strained parent-child relationships. She provides counselling services for parents and their children in conflict and/or those struggling with issues related to separation and/or divorce. Ms. Logan offers Parenting Facilitation Services to help parents reduce conflict, and she helps repair parent-child relationship breaches as a Reunification Counselor.
Copyright © 2022 by Monika Logan, M.A., LPC, LSOTP
